What is a Good Life? #105
Exploring The Depths Of Listening with Colin Smith
On the 105th episode of What is a Good Life? podcast, I am delighted to introduce our guest, Colin Smith. Colin is a specialist in deep listening, presence, and profound attention, dedicated to creating spaces where individuals unlock their clarity and creativity. Known as The Listener, he brings over two decades of experience in guiding, facilitating, and coaching, helping people connect more deeply with themselves and others.
Through his work, Colin empowers individuals and groups to feel truly seen and heard, unlocking insights and cultivating listening skills that lead to meaningful transformation. Colin’s approach is informed by extensive personal learning from works on listening, mindfulness, and human development. This depth allows him to craft environments where genuine insights emerge, helping people access new perspectives and deeper understanding.
In this engaging conversation, Colin shares his journey towards embodying the art of listening, emphasising the power of being present, agenda-free, and genuinely curious about others. We delve into how quality listening can strengthen relationships, alleviate loneliness, and nurture deeper connections. Together, we explore the subtle dynamics of human interaction and the importance of authenticity in conversations, offering practical insights for cultivating a more compassionate and attentive approach to communication.
This episode invites you to embrace the profound potential of truly listening—to honour our shared humanity and recognise how it can deepen our connections and enrich our relationships.
The weekly clip from the podcast (4 mins), my weekly reflection (3 mins), the full podcast (68 mins), and the weekly questions all follow below.
1. Weekly Clip from the Podcast
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2. My weekly reflection
We often point to the big arguments or dramatic moments as the obvious reasons for trouble or breakdowns in our connections. Our attention gravitates toward these events as our capacity for subtlety dwindles.
But the more I pay attention to my own conversations—and to those happening around me—the more I notice the dangers of what have become socially acceptable behaviours. It’s not the loud, explosive moments that erode our connections. It’s death by a thousand cuts.
The interruptions when someone pauses for breath. The planning of what to say next while the other person is still speaking, followed by blurting it out at the first opening, regardless of what’s just been said. Conversations that feel more like games of Tetris or debates than demonstrations of genuine presence.
Is it any wonder that people feel less likely to share their vulnerabilities or humanity in these conditions? The setting doesn’t feel appropriate for it.
In my conversation with Colin, we touched on how these subtle dynamics can quietly escalate. He offered an example: You ask a friend how they are, and they reply, "I’m alright," but you sense a dissonance. Something feels off. Instead of asking directly, you start wondering if it’s about you. Then, when they ask how you’re doing, you reply similarly, creating another layer of ambiguity. Suddenly, the whole exchange is clouded by suspicion, but nothing is addressed. The conversation lacks the depth or trust to bridge the gap.
I see this play out so often. Instead of asking or being curious about someone’s experience, we project, assume, or follow mental shortcuts. We “know” too much, and this false certainty robs us of curiosity—the very thing that keeps our relationships alive.
How often have you let a slow or no reply spiral into a narrative about rejection, only to later discover everything was fine?
In my own life, I’ve noticed how profoundly someone’s willingness to open up changes when I truly listen. When I’m present, they feel seen and heard. And when that foundation is there, I find I can probe and challenge any subtle dissonances I’ve felt without fear of a combative response.
However, when I am not fully there, there is an immediate and tangible experience of it. If for example I am on a call and I check something online, whether the other person is conscious of it or not, their sentence often drifts or wavers. I suspect there is no cheating this dynamic of listening and attention. There is no faking it with nods and short verbal cues. When we are paid full attention, there is no doubt.
One simple change I’ve made is to stop speaking when someone checks their phone during a conversation. Usually, they say, “Carry on, I’m listening.” To which I respond, “You’re not, but that’s okay. Take your time, and I’ll continue when you’re done.” This approach doesn’t create tension, and it often brings a refreshing honesty to the interaction.
I’ve also taken to the habit of literally answering the opening question of “how are you?” I may even take some time to gather my thoughts around it. My answer will often suggest I am experiencing a number of things, it could be joy, tension, flow, or friction. Often when I do this, the other person says that it resonates and even if they answered it with “fine” they go back and revise their answer.
So much richness and context is shared in the first few minutes and the conversations take on a completely different tone. As well as offering more context, we can also offer more space.
Colin mentioned how he sometimes suggests taking a few moments to settle into a conversation. If someone seems preoccupied or distracted, he might invite them to sit quietly for a while or even suggest rescheduling if what they need most is rest or solitude. Or if he is in need of that he may ask the other person for the space to arrive or reschedule.
This is another element of connection we often overlook: the relentless demands of our schedules. We place such value on sticking to plans that we rarely consider whether those plans still serve us or the other person. How often do we meet obligations out of habit or obligation, performing rather than connecting?
This performance drains us. Yet when we bring presence, attention, and humanity to our interactions, we create something replenishing, not depleting.
The distractions of modern life make it more crucial than ever to intentionally pay attention. To listen as if the person before us is the most important person in the world at that moment. Because, as Colin says, in that moment, who else could be more important?
By bringing this level of attention and presence into our daily interactions, we transform listening from a skill we switch on and off into a way of life. It’s a practice that can fundamentally reshape our relationships, our sense of connection, and how we live.
When we couple that presence and attention with our own humanity and vulnerability, our encounters become the most wonderfully curious and novel experiences, that concurrently draw us in to pay more attention, in an effortless manner.
In what subtle ways do you suspect you are undermining connection in your life?
3. Full Episode - Exploring The Depths Of Listening with Colin Smith - What is a Good Life? #105
4. This week’s Questions
Is there a relationship in your life that you simply aren’t listening?
Is there a relationship in your life in need of more vulnerability and authenticity from you?
About Me
I am a coach, podcast host, and writer, based in Berlin, via Dublin, Ireland. I started this project in 2021, for which I’ve now interviewed over 250 people. I’m not looking to prescribe universal answers, more that the guests’ lines of inquiry, musings, experiences, and curiosities spark your own inquiry into what the question means to you. I am also trying to share more genuine expressions of the human experience and more meaningful conversations.
If you’re interested in exploring your own self-inquiry through one-on-one coaching, joining my 5-week Silent Conversations group courses, or fostering greater trust, communication, and connection within your leadership teams, or simply reaching out, feel free to contact me via email or LinkedIn.
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