What is a Good Life? #137
Exploring What Matters Most with Diane Button
On the 137th episode of What is a Good Life?, I’m delighted to welcome Diane Button. Diane is a founding partner of the Bay Area End-of-Life Doula Alliance in Northern California, and the best-selling author of Dear Death: Finding Meaning in Life, Peace in Death, and Joy in an Ordinary Day and The Doula Tool Kit: The Complete Practical Guide for End-of-Life Doulas & Caregivers (co-authored with Angela Shook and Gabby Jimenez). She holds a master’s degree in Counselling Psychology, works as a practicing end-of-life doula, and serves as a lead instructor in the University of Vermont Larner College of Medicine’s End-of-Life Doula Certificate Program. Her latest book is the inspiring What Matters Most.
In our conversation, Diane shares the profound insights she has gained through her work, emphasising the power of presence, the value of embracing all emotions, and the joy found in life’s simplest moments.
Together, we explore how the beauty of ordinary days and the wisdom of those facing death can illuminate what it truly means to live well and meet life’s final chapter with grace.
The weekly clip from the podcast (2 mins), my weekly reflection (3 mins), the full podcast (75 mins), and the weekly questions all follow below.
1. Weekly Clip From The Podcast
2. My Weekly Reflection
In this interview, Diane shares a story of a client who lamented that the photos on her wall—weddings, graduations, business success—didn’t capture the real moments of contentment.
Almost as though life occurred in the moments between the photos on the wall: when the dog was filthy after a forest walk, and the mess and laughing she recalls when the family tried to clean him.
If you’ve followed this newsletter or podcast for a while, you know how deeply I value conversations around death, dying, and the wisdom shared by those at the end of life.
This is my second interview with Diane, an End-of-Life Doula whose work continues to fascinate me. The lessons she’s learnt from her clients—and from her own practice of showing up fully in these moments—offer powerful guidance on how we might live and connect more deeply.
What stands out in her latest book, What Matters Most, and in the 300+ interviews I have conducted around this question, is the simplicity of what really moves and serves us—if we can let go of what our culture suggests we should chase. If we paused often enough to notice the felt experience of life, rather than our ideas of it, how much softer our paths might be.
When we hear the wisdom of the dying, it often comes down to the most basic of things: pay attention, be kind, slow down, notice beauty as well as the pain and grief, share yourself authentically, and express gratitude.
Diane often guides her clients through an end-of-life review, which reveals what they still need to address relationally—whether forgiveness, reconciliation, or closure.
People can face death with greater ease when they have tended to these elements. It still amazes her, the subtlety and seemingly small acts people bring up near death—moments unresolved, judgemental comments never apologised for, sometimes decades later.
This isn’t about being pure or punishing ourselves, but about recognising what we carry that quietly disturbs us. Without accountability, it is very hard to come to peace with ourselves. In the quiet moments, what is unresolved tends to appear amidst the cracks.
Diane spoke of a very simple process she practises in her own life: cleaning the slate on a monthly basis—not waiting for the end of life. Regularly asking: is there anything this month I need to say sorry for, make up for, address, or express gratitude for? These questions are important to tend to before they harden into something unspoken.
For me, regularly addressing these questions or any disharmony is both an act of grace to others and a demonstration of self-acceptance to ourselves. Few things show greater self-acceptance than the willingness to be transparent and vulnerable about what we said, did, or intended. It is very hard to feel self-acceptance if we cannot meet this personal reality.
The more we do this, the greater humility and compassion we have for ourselves and others. The greater harmony we experience in our relationships, and quite simply the greater the likelihood of us experiencing our own good life.
Simple doesn’t mean easy, but the more we practise, the less effort it requires—and few processes may yield a more profound effect on the quality of our relationships and life.
Thanks for reading What is a Good Life?
3. Full Episode - Exploring What Matters Most with Diane Button - What is a Good Life? #137
4. This Week’s Questions
Is there something you need to apologise for, make up for, or express gratitude for this month?
What really matters most to you? Does you time, focus, and attention reflect this?
About Me
I am a coach, podcast host, and writer, based in Berlin, via Dublin, Ireland. I started this project in 2021, for which I’ve now interviewed nearly 300 people. I’m not looking to prescribe universal answers, more that the guests’ lines of inquiry, musings, experiences, and curiosities spark your own inquiry into what the question means to you. I am also trying to share more genuine expressions of the human experience and more meaningful conversations.
If you’re interested in exploring your own self-inquiry through one-on-one coaching, my 5-week group courses, or fostering greater trust, communication, and connection within your leadership teams, feel free to contact me via email or LinkedIn.