On the 146th episode of What is a Good Life?, I’m delighted to welcome Steven D’Souza. Steven is an award winning author, executive educator, trusted advisor, leadership coach and keynote speaker. His expertise crosses the fields of psychology, organisational development, diversity, group dynamics, contemplation and social capital. He has spoken globally to organisations such as PwC, TikTok, Financial Times and the United Nations. His work has been featured in Harvard Business Review, The Independent and The Sunday Times.
In this conversation, Steven reflects on his early pursuit of the priesthood and his lifelong inquiry into meaning, service, and aliveness. Drawing on themes from his latest book, Shadows at Work, he shares how meeting the shadow with curiosity and compassion brings wholeness, and how embracing uncertainty, silence, and kindness can lead to a more grounded, vital way of living.
This conversation invites you to see the shadow not as something to fix, but as a hidden source of energy, wisdom, and aliveness.
The weekly clip from the podcast (1 min), my weekly reflection (3 mins), the full podcast (60 mins), and the weekly questions all follow below.
1. Weekly Clip From The Podcast
2. My Weekly Reflection
“I grow in my spirituality by growing in my humanity.”
This line really struck me from the interview this week with Steven.
Whatever you might call it – self-development, spirituality, self-realisation – this line really invites us to reflect more wisely on what we consider growth.
It made me think of the times in my life when my pursuit or ideas of spiritual growth or self-understanding seemed more important than how I treated others.
When people were sharing their difficulties with me, instead of listening, I’d prescribe meditation and suggest that it was no wonder they weren’t content without it.
There often comes a time when we become dependent on the method, and when we miss a day, that becomes the reason for our mood. Instead of noticing a growing sense of ease and compassion, we talk about our streak – how long we’ve kept up journaling or meditation.
There’s an ego trap there: we change the setting or tool, yet the impulse to control or compete persists.
I remember a period where I was tracking several practices daily. Literally a box on a page to tick each day. Missing a day unsettled me far more than the practice itself ever calmed me. My sense of peace became conditional — another thing to achieve.
This reminded me of something Cormac Russell once shared in a previous interview – the thresholds of self-help: how it can be useful to a point, but how often it turns into self-obsession if your attention doesn’t expand outwards as well. I couldn’t agree more.
One thing that has become stunningly clear from these 300+ interviews, is that there will be little salvation for us in trying to analyse ourselves to death without noticing that connection.
Not in a vague new-age sense of saying we are all one, but rather in the sense that you do not end at the edge of your extremities; you are not merely some bag of skin holding your separateness together. And if your awareness continues to focus only on what’s occurring inside that, you will continue to miss the connected whole that you’re part of.
In some ways, that is the real gift of a spiritual practice or line of inquiry – that it can lead you back to realising that connection.
Our ego can show up in all sorts of places. Even yesterday, someone pointed out to me that my ego was caught up in not wanting to appear too salesy in my work. It stopped me in my tracks.
I sense that when we think the initial pursuit or reason might have virtue, we can very easily be fooled by it.
If you are frustrated with the fruits of your spiritual path, despite all your discipline and effort, I suspect the switch required is easier than you think.
Start by paying more attention to the world and the people outside of you. It need not even manifest in external action initially. If you keep seeing yourself as a separate entity to solve before you can reconnect with the world, suffering will continue.
If you’ve cultivated a greater sense of attention, look up and out – you might finally see the connection that has always been there. And it will really show up in how you treat people, not just when you are sat in practice.
From my experience, a good life isn’t measured by how inwardly refined we become, but by how that refinement shapes how we meet others, the moment, and the world around us.
Thanks for reading What is a Good Life?
3. Full Episode - The Hidden Gifts Of The Shadow with Steven D’Souza - What is a Good Life? #146
4. This Week’s Questions
Have you ever noticed a gap between your sense of spiritual growth and your humanity?
What part of yourself or your work do you tend to avoid?
About Me
I am a coach, facilitator, and podcast host, based in Berlin, via Dublin, Ireland. I started this project in 2021, for which I’ve now interviewed over 300 people. I’m not looking to prescribe universal answers, more that the guests’ lines of inquiry, musings, experiences, and curiosities spark your own inquiry into what the question means to you. I am also trying to share more genuine expressions of the human experience and more meaningful conversations.
If you’re interested in exploring your own self-inquiry through one-on-one coaching, my 5-week group courses, or fostering greater trust, communication, and connection within your leadership teams, feel free to contact me via email or LinkedIn.