What Is A Good Life? #149
Finding Your Unique Role In The World with Adam Mastroianni
On the 149th episode of What is a Good Life?, I welcome Adam Mastroianni. Adam is an experimental psychologist and author of the popular science newsletter Experimental History. His work has been featured in Nature, The New York Times, and Jimmy Kimmel Live. He has escaped from over 170 escape rooms.
In this conversation, Adam discusses the nature of questions and curiosity as driving forces in life. He explores the concept of being possessed by ideas, the role of suffering in personal growth, and the shift from academia to independent thought.
This episode highlights the impact that finding your unique role—and contributing meaningfully to the world from that place—can have on your life.
The weekly clip from the podcast (2 mins), my weekly reflection (2 mins), the full podcast (56 mins), and the weekly questions all follow below.
1. Weekly Clip From The Podcast
2. My Weekly Reflection
“It hollows people out…pretending that something is important that you don’t think is important…a lot of us have the capacity to do that for a long time, but it takes such a psychic toll.”
When Adam said this in this week’s interview I thought it was profoundly important and underappreciated in life.
Often when we think of authenticity or dishonesty we think of far more egregious less subtle things. It is so normal and part of our working lives that I can see how easily it is missed. But the toll is significant.
It reminded me of a past guest, Dave Bingham, reflecting on a moment when in a tech leadership role he was asked a question he didn’t have the answer to and instead of saying as much he “just spoke fluent consultant bullshit for 10 minutes at this guy” until the guy lost the will to live and he got home that night and said he couldn’t bear himself.
But I sense this goes much wider than our corporate roles, it is just how we show up with each other.
I see collectively we are draining ourselves by these often very simple divergences from what we know to be true.
I remember in the very first episode of this podcast we mentioned that the truth has a ring or resonance to it. While it may get us into difficult and challenging situations, there is something about a life and the energy it produces, where that resonance isn’t knowingly contradicted that feels replenishing and very alive.
Even in my own present stresses with making a living this year, I’ve found that focus and enjoyment are still possible when I stay truthful to myself about what’s actually happening.
It’s what allows the movement of emotions. It’s what allows me to experience the full range of life.
A moment of stress, just like an argument or deep resonance, a moment of sadness or joy, doesn’t colour my whole day. It passes like everything else.
There is something different that occurs when our efforts are poured into pretence. Channels get blocked. The waters grow stale. Energy has nowhere to go.
When I see so many people burning out, and the myriad of wellness hacks that attempt to remedy it fail, perhaps we are ignoring the core of the problem.
We might look to add or develop purpose and belief, but maybe it’s equally about removing the pretence—the daily contradictions of what we know to be true.
I know pretence sometimes feels like it’s holding things together—a job, a relationship, a situation we’re not ready to leave. However, with the rising rates of burnout and suffering that seemingly appear more normal in modern life, I wonder when we will come together more transparently.
I don’t mean in some overly performative exposing and revealing.
Just an ordinary nod to what we believe to be true.
I sense it might be more simple than we think.
If a little more transparency sounds like a crazy scenario to consider, how wild does it sound that a group of intelligent adults gather together to pretend reality is what it isn’t?
Regardless of its consequences on our energy or even performance.
If my life is teaching me anything, it is that there is a relief to the truth being named even if it can lead to hard circumstances. Wherever that leaves us, at least we know where we stand and can do something about it.
If you consider the most subtle ways in which you are pretending something is important that you don’t believe to be so, or any other pretences, is there a simple one that you would feel comfortable disclosing to the people you are pretending to?
Work with me
If your team feels pulled apart by competing realities, keeps circling the same issues, or struggles to talk about the hard stuff, I help leadership teams find the space to think, reflect, and reconnect — to feel coherent again to lead in uncertain times.
Get in touch if that sounds familiar and you’d like to explore half-day workshops.
Thanks for reading What is a Good Life?
3. Full Episode - Finding Your Unique Role In The World with Adam Mastroianni - What is a Good Life? #149
4. This Week’s Questions
Do you know what your unique role in this world is?
What shifts in your relationship to fear when it arises from your own path rather than someone else’s? (see the clip above)
About Me
I am a coach, facilitator, and podcast host, based in Berlin, via Dublin, Ireland. I started this project in 2021, for which I’ve now interviewed over 300 people. I’m not looking to prescribe universal answers, more that the guests’ lines of inquiry, musings, experiences, and curiosities spark your own inquiry into what the question means to you. I am also trying to share more genuine expressions of the human experience and more meaningful conversations.
If you’re interested in exploring your own self-inquiry through one-on-one coaching or helping your leadership teams feel more coherent and together in uncertain times, feel free to contact me via email or LinkedIn.