What is a Good Life? #127
Finding Balance In Life’s Chaos with Andrew B Brown
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This Week’s Podcast
On the 127th episode of the What is a Good Life? podcast, I’m delighted to welcome our guest, Andrew B Brown. Former Commander, Chief Inspector (retd.) Andrew is an internationally renowned negotiator with specialist knowledge and experience in dealing with kidnap for ransom and hostage/crisis incidents, particularly in humanitarian environments; in designing conflict de-escalation skills for field operations and acting as an expert witness to judicial inquiries on the response to hostage taking.
His doctoral studies and experience in Afghan & African kidnappings have led him to research, critique and advise INGOs on how to prepare, prevent and respond to the threat of international kidnap. As a Fulbright Alumnus, he continues to teach advanced negotiation tactics to many law enforcement agencies including NYPD, USMS and the FBI.
In this episode, we explore Andrew’s journey toward finding purpose through helping others. He shares pivotal moments that shaped his path, from working with NGOs in crisis zones like Afghanistan to exploring the power of authentic human connection. Andrew reflects on the importance of listening, vulnerability, and sharing our common humanity. He also discusses how spirituality supports his work and the vital role of grounding stress in high-pressure environments.
This conversation is a wonderful invitation to find balance and perspective throughout the various chapters of our lives and the full range of life.
The weekly clip from the podcast (3 mins), my weekly reflection (3 mins), the full podcast (71 mins), and the weekly questions all follow below.
1. Weekly Clip from the Podcast
2. My weekly reflection
There is a beautiful moment Andy shares in this interview of guiding someone through a crisis.
In negotiations, he said, there are countless books you can read, but it really comes down to the human connection—it’s that interaction between you and the other person.
He says if you can’t listen to the other person, engage with them, or share something, you won’t be going anywhere.
In the incident where he is guiding a man to safety, he mentioned sharing some of his own heartache in life that was related to what the man was experiencing.
He spoke of the importance of vulnerability in making that connection:
“And when you share that vulnerability, particularly if it's something emotional, that comes out in your voice and in the pitch and the intonation and how you actually speak. And that is massively powerful because it's authentic. It's not lies, you know, it's truly authentic, and people pick up on that. And it's having that courage, as I said earlier, to share some of that.”
It touches on a few important aspects of relating—both with ourselves and with others.
I’ve noticed that when people share something they’ve told many times, they’re often no longer connected to it.
Vulnerability isn’t in the events or words themselves, but in our connection to them.
I’ve heard people speak about experiences that could be considered traumatic, and felt very little. Not because the content wasn’t significant, but because it seemed they were no longer really present to it.
They were hitting familiar cues rather than expressing something alive.
And I’ve heard others share much smaller moments or observations that clearly still carried meaning for them—and those have moved me to tears.
Sometimes people present a ‘vulnerable’ story, and while I’m sure it helps in some ways, if they’re no longer in touch with it, we may overestimate its impact on others.
There’s something about real human moments, emotion, and connection that can’t be faked.
Even if it convinces us mentally, I don’t believe a fully embodied human connection can be fooled or manufactured.
Lately, I’ve also been considering the redemptive power of vulnerability, which ties in somewhat with what Andy said.
Given how caught up we are with words and our mistaken belief in ourselves as rational beings (see: the behaviour of humans around the world), we often defend the words we use rather than resting in the truth of our tone, emotion, and intention.
I mentioned last month in a note on Substack how, for the first time in a while, I tried to lawyer my way out of a small conflict.
I said things in my “defence” that were technically true but were only half-truths. The full truth would have required vulnerability.
It honestly felt as pronounced as when I’ve occasionally gotten drunk (I rarely drink now)—that sharp awareness of putting something in your body that poisons it. A feeling you might miss entirely if you were drinking regularly.
As I sat with the experience of not having been fully transparent, I noticed how the incident—with someone I really enjoy, but who isn’t a prominent figure in my life—disrupted my inner peace.
It stewed and bubbled in me for a couple of days before I had to write out a full explanation of my experience and acknowledge where I felt a little raw.
And the moment I sent it… instant relief.
Before any blue ticks.
Before a gracious response.
It wasn’t about the other person—it was about returning to my own sense of coherence.
I can’t recall a time when sharing genuine vulnerability after a mistake wasn’t met with grace.
To me, vulnerability seems not only a deep connector, but also a balm for our many missteps and the inevitable messiness of human relationships.
It’s redemption in action. I sense it’s key to unlocking much of our shame around our actions.
It’s self-acceptance in action.
When people talk about self-love, or about self-care and self-compassion, I often feel it misses the point. It can feel ungrounded. Compartmentalised from how we show up in the world.
There’s something more solid in the commitment not to hide your experience of life.
I don’t mean throwing your experiences around without discernment—but being honest in the moments that matter, when life is asking for it.
When we can do that, you might be surprised at how forgiving and accepting other people, life, and you yourself can be toward your wonderfully flawed humanity.
For me, the ability to do that is a real marker of how I’m relating to—and accepting—myself.
Perhaps counterintuitively, it breeds a quiet intimacy and kindness toward ourselves—rather than judgment. The truth we often avoid is what sets us free.
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3. Full Episode - Finding Balance In Life’s Chaos with Andrew B Brown - What is a Good Life? #127
4. This week’s Questions
Is there a current conflict in your life—big or small—that you might handle more effectively by allowing yourself to be more vulnerable?
Looking back, do you sense any pivotal moments occurred in your life that were revealing your path that you ignored or resisted?
About Me
I am a coach, podcast host, and writer, based in Berlin, via Dublin, Ireland. I started this project in 2021, for which I’ve now interviewed nearly 300 people. I’m not looking to prescribe universal answers, more that the guests’ lines of inquiry, musings, experiences, and curiosities spark your own inquiry into what the question means to you. I am also trying to share more genuine expressions of the human experience and more meaningful conversations.
If you’re interested in exploring your own self-inquiry through one-on-one coaching, joining my 5-week What is a Good Life? group courses, or fostering greater trust, communication, and connection within your leadership teams, or simply reaching out, feel free to contact me via email or LinkedIn.